we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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