i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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