well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Come share oat with me in your robe
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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