Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
