well you can't waste a boner
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
