I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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