Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
