I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
