I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
