those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
