I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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