just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
