why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
