He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
