I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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