Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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