You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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