i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
