She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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