my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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