During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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