I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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