If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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