so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
