but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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