dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
