Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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