is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We need a shit load of segways right now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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