He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
