I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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