First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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