you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
