Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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