True but thats because hes a fetus.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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