Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
