Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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