You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
