I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
