i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I want her autograph on my taint
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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