Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
