Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
