you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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