Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize