She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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