GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
