I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
