My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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