he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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