if i can run in heels then i can drive
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
