She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
