Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize