think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
