Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
