Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
