lets start a swedish sibling band together
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
