the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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