I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
