Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
