Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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