I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize