how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
