my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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