my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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