Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
