the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
