the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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