I think i peed on brittanys purse
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize