Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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