Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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