She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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