that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
