who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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