I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
