i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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