I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
