he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
