ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
