i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
as a side note pls kill me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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