i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
whose parrot is this?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
