So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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