brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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