She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
