Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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